2 Little Monkeys Jumping on the bed...

She Writes...


I have twins. Twin Boys. Non-identical medically and quite literally!! 

Caring for them, teaching, providing, nurturing and loving them is a full time job. I feel like I’ve been handpicked for one of best freelance jobs in the world!! Jokes aside, It is SO fulfilling to see them grow every single day. Dialling back a few decades ago, I remember how much I loved children and just being around them. So much so that one of the dreams growing up was to become a “kindergarten” teacher ! But, having one’s for my own has humbled me in more ways than one. My kids aren’t perfect. They make mistakes, they forget to share, they break stuff, they fight, they throw tantrums, they don't eat their food properly, they don't listen, they cry, they shout and basically as my mom would oh-so-proudly keep quoting,  they are being me 25 years back.

But, they are my monkeys. I want them to make mistakes. I want them to learn from their every failure. It is so endearing to see how young kids can change your perspective on persistence and patience. They fail over and over again but I’ve never seen them give up. The focus and grit children show while getting things done when they put their mind to it is something adults could definitely learn from. I for sure can! 

My monkeys jump on the bed, sing and laugh with no regrets. They don’t need to worry about the loosening bolts underneath, they don’t worry about messing up the sheets, they don’t worry about accidentally falling off the edge. I’ll rather them let them be children for as long as it lasts. In time, they’ll become adults who can never jump on a bed, adults know too much to enjoy these little quirky pleasures of the world.. 

2 little monkeys jumping on a bed

One jumped high and touched the others head

Mama saw the boys having all this fun and said

“Monkeys move along and let me also join on the bed”

Thank you, Life

She writes...

Do we always appreciate what we have ? I, for one cannot and haven't ever. Years have gone by when I have lamented about my state of life or the choices I've made. Every two years, like a magical pattern, I end up battling with one single most important issue that is going on in my life.

Today, As I look back I find these memories amusing. I am someone who lives in the past, and relax, that's not bad. That doesn't mean I cant live in the present and don't dream of my future. I just like dwelling in the realm of memories more often than not. I sometimes go to sleep wanting to dream about my past. Does that sound insane? Welcome to my world. However, this note is not one of repentance or reassurances from the past. This is one of those days where I feel blessed and happy about where I am in life.

I have always wanted to travel and live in new world. I have always wanted to meet new people and interact with other cultures. Although this has been my secret dream, I never dared to plan a trip wanting to do these things specifically. And i honestly don't think am adventurous enough to backpack across the country. So today, When I see myself setting shop successfully far in the north as north goes, I see it as an accomplishment. Mind you, I have done this with two fully grown toddlers. The last year has been exciting and challenging. I have always been cocooned in life. Everything provided for or with help always around the corner. But the true slice of life comes alive when you learn to live on your own and on your terms, learning, falling, fighting, loving and struggling and all that. Because this is the only way, you know what sweet success tastes like. Otherwise, you are only reveling in someone else's rain.

Life has taken some interesting turns and Boy! have I turned and how! I am not sure if my core self has changed but I sure feel different. I am still grappling with fear on most days but this feels good. Unless I am scared, how do I learn to overcome it ? SO, this is me, appreciating me, my life, my family and my world. Loving every bit of it and I wanna say "Bring it on.." But is it too early ? :-S

The song of a mother and daughter

She writes...


Sometimes all you need is a conversation with your mom. Yes, its that simple. A medicine to a broken heart, a solace for a trouble mind, a shoulder to rest. Just letting her listen to your miseries is in itself a consolation. She doesn't need to come up with any solutions to your problems neither does she need to advice you on how to handle them. She just listens. And, that i find to be the most refreshing thing ever. No, not a hot shower, not droplets of rain on my window, not a hot cut of coffee, the single most comforting feeling for me is to have a 2-min conversation with my mother.

Its kind of a miracle, if you think of it. I am a 30 year old who doesn't keep my mother up to speed on everything that's happening with my life. I have too many things going on in my life that is good enough to put a sane person into an asylum. Sometimes I even dodge her calls when am down and out, just cause I can choose to. (To hell with caller id's). BUT, sometimes I do pick up my phone, lookup 'Amma' and just like that, hit dial. I don't tell her that I am having a problem, I don't tell her that I need comforting, I don't tell her anything. It all starts with her popping the worlds biggest mom-conversation starter, "Did you eat?" and from then on its a song, my most favorite one.

Then we talk, I slowly indulge her in my state of mind, she listens, she sighs and finally she says, "Its ok, it'll be alright." and Voila, there you have it, my heart feels like a feather. I smile and end the call feeling like I've conquered something, that I can eventually figure out a solution and move on. The day has just begun to look radiant again.

On the other side of the world, a mother has just ended a perturbing call. She is thinking about her daughters problems now. She has taken it upon herself to sulk away in sorrow until she knows that her daughter is fine. She knows that she did the right thing by holding her fort and asking her daughter to be strong, but deep down she is broken. As years passed by, she feels like shes inefficient now, its not so easy to shoo away her daughters troubles like she used to. Nevertheless, She does what she's best at,even today, She says a little prayer and dozes off. 

I messed it up..... Again !!!

She writes...


The last ten years of my life has been intriguing to say the least. I have finally come to understand what the "elders" always used to fret about. I think the twenties are the times when you consciously know that your screwing up with your life, but you continue to do so nevertheless.

I have seen so many low's in my life, and invariably I tell myself  that, "this, right here is the lowest point of my life". Today, as I reminisce, I am laughing out loud at my insanity. For example, I cried to myself every single night of my training days in Ahmadabad as there was a chicken-pox outbreak in my hostel. Like, seriously, that I thought was the most difficult phase of my life. I did not want to catch the disease, but please don't think that I was being a major sissy or that it was because of my illness anxiety disorder. It just meant that I had to quit my 1-month old training and join the next batch and start afresh. Simply re-boot the last 30 days of my training with a new batch. Yeah, this could easily be the lowest point of anybody's life, right ?

But it passed. I came out of that ordeal unscathed. And from so many of such trials that I've self imposed on my life. If only I had some sense of reality during these times, a sense of control over the uncontrollable future that beholds, If only I had learnt to remain sane every time i was caught in the undertow, I could've helped myself more than I could imagine. In reality, It's really hard to underestimate your problems when you are in one. But life, I suppose, teaches you the trick. Slowly but surely.

I messed up an interview recently. One that I should've hit for a lofty six over the roof. There was no other option, this was it. My only chance, my only ray of hope, my only train to happy-land and I messed it. Right now, I am actually in a state of deep mourning for my career. And I can already feel the ground falling apart beneath my feet. I am depressed and practically cursing myself even as I write this blog. I don't have many friends to lament. God hasn't created Human beings to be tolerant enough to tolerate my rantings.

So as of today, this right now, is officially the lowest point of my life. And guess what, as I await my results, oh yes, I forgot to mention that I still haven't received my results of that dreadful interview (Did I hear you leave an annoyed "PPFFF" ? Trust me, I ruined it and Only a miracle could save me from this abyss),  I can't think of anything but failure, the dark road of depression and stormy showers of misery that follow. But, as i quoted earlier, I know i need to be calm, I know i am supposed to be real and strong, learn from the mistakes and be ready when am thrown a newer challenge.

Basically, just shut up and straighten myself. Because nobody else is going to be able to do that for me.

To Av and Ad

She writes...


Its 3:20 pm on a hot sunny day and you guys are fast asleep. This is your daily nap time.

I look at you two and I am filled with this enormous love that I can't seem to put in words. I don't think I can ever. I can't imagine something more surreal in this world than the love of a mother for her children. I am so gifted to have you two in my life. I sit here to pen this blog with a thousand thoughts on my mind, all of which converge to a single point, I love you boys. Please bear with my rantings, my heart is dying to pour this out and beware, it is mushy.

Av, Your smiles make my day. You are so gorgeous and handsome and!...  You are so bloody naughty. You just have your way with every darn thing and that's because you are so delightfully cute. When you are asking for your precious "thanni", in your adorable baby voice, I feel like I could bring the ocean to your feet. The way you call out for me softly, "Amma", that my dear, is my elixir. I should tell you, you have already garnered many fans. I am inspired by how you are always up for new challenges and eternally ready to learn new things. Will I ever be like you? And your dance, aww, that's all you do all the time these days. Dancing your way to glory and what a sight it is to see. I would love to be your dancing partner one day. You are the naughty one, the world doesn't know yet. But let's keep it a secret, shall we? You are my angel, you take one look at me with those beautiful arresting eyes and I have fallen. Yes, I am the first girl you swept off her feet. You are absolutely independent and my little genius, you have awed us right from the day you were born. Sweet little pie, I Love you so much.

Ad, You little brat. Your big eyes and those mischievous grins are all that I need to see when am back from a long day in Office. The way you shout out loud every time you see an airplane, the way you run behind "butterby" and "dangody" (Butterfly and Dragonfly for the uninitiated!),  the way you so adorably list out our names, ah i could just go on and on, the way you are just so perfect for us. When you gaze into my eyes as you are pointing at the"big star" in our neighbor's house and look to me eagerly for my affirmation on your discovery, I melt with pride. Yes dear, you are absolutely right, that is indeed a "Big Star", just like you! You are my shadow. The world knows that if am around, Ad is with me. What have I done to deserve your lavish dose of love. I haven't felt so wanted in my life. The truth is I need you more than you do. You are so stunningly handsome already with your gracious locks of hair and all. You hold us under a spell every time you flash that big bright smile of yours. You intelligence startles me at times and just like your brother,you too are so independent. You are a Sweetheart, Yes that's what you are. Charming, pretty little dude, listen up,  I love you so much.

Thank you Av and Ad for making my life so blissful. I finally believe in Magic.

Here's our little song,
I love you,
I love you in the morning and in the afternoon,
I love you in the evening and underneath the moon.

My shell

She writes...


Hmm. So this how my shell looks like now.
Been a long time since i've come in here.

Feels warm.
Feels like home.

I am blue....

She writes....

I wish I could cry out loudly like my little boys do.... someday perhaps. ....

Something died inside me... I cant seem to find out how this happened.... I used to be extremely touchy and sensitive and totally "cancer" like.

Tears a rare sight these days. Well, I suppose that's good in a certain sense but then, why doesn't it make me happy? My once marshmelloy heart seems to have turned to a hard rock !!! I have said this before and i'll say it again " no, I don't like growing up". Sometimes I wish I don't be a grown up about everything and I could just, for one prized moment, well up and blast off the tear tank.

Everyone has a tough phase and no amount of planning can prepare you for your adversities as long as you know how to deal with it when it actually happens. I don't want to deal with my situation anymore. I want to cry and make it all right. It seems to work perfectly for my boys. This is not a prayer but if you are listening big man, I NEED A BREAK !!!